Love Should Feel Safe

Written By Waiky Holder

Redefining Love Beyond Valentine’s Day

February is often wrapped in hearts, flowers, and messages that tell us love should be grand, effortless, and all-consuming. But for many people — especially survivors of domestic and intimate partner violence — this season can bring complicated feelings.

At Maison Femme, we believe love should never be something you have to survive. Love should feel safe.

When Love Is Confused With Control

Abuse rarely starts with harm. It often begins quietly — with attention, affection, and promises. Over time, those gestures can shift into monitoring, isolation, guilt, or fear.

Many survivors tell us they didn’t realize what was happening at first because they believed love meant:

  • Sacrifice at all costs

  • Putting someone else’s needs above their own

  • Explaining away discomfort to keep the peace

But love rooted in control is not love. It’s harm wearing a familiar face.

A Survivor Story (Shared With Care)

One survivor shared that, early in her relationship, she felt chosen and protected. Her partner wanted to know where she was, who she was with, and how she spent her time — and at first, it felt like care.

Over time, those questions became demands. Time with friends disappeared. Decisions no longer felt like hers. She began shrinking herself to avoid conflict.

It wasn’t until someone gently said, “Love shouldn’t feel this heavy,” that she paused.

That moment didn’t end everything overnight — but it planted a seed. A reminder that love should bring safety, not fear. Freedom, not silence.

(This story reflects the shared experiences of survivors we support. Details have been changed to protect privacy.)

What Healthy Love Really Looks Like

Healthy love is not perfect — but it is respectful, steady, and safe.

Love should:

  • Honor boundaries

  • Encourage independence

  • Allow disagreement without fear

  • Make space for your voice

  • Support growth rather than restrict it

Most importantly, love should never require you to abandon yourself.

Love Beyond Romance

Valentine’s Day often centers romantic love, but healing often begins elsewhere.

Love can be:

  • A friend who listens without judgment

  • A child’s laughter

  • A community that shows up consistently

  • The quiet decision to choose yourself

For many survivors, learning to redefine love means learning that love can be gentle, patient, and unconditional — including toward themselves.

If You’re Questioning What Love Feels Like

If something in your life doesn’t feel right, you’re allowed to trust that feeling.

You don’t need proof. You don’t need permission. And you don’t need to have all the answers right now.

Support exists, and you deserve relationships — of every kind — that are rooted in safety and respect.

Love That Builds, Not Breaks

At Maison Femme, we walk alongside individuals and families as they rebuild their understanding of love — one rooted in dignity, choice, and care.

This February, we invite you to pause and ask:

Does the love in my life make me feel safe?

If the answer is still unfolding, know this: you’re not alone, and it’s never too late to redefine what love means.

How You Can Support Survivors This Month

If you or someone you know may be experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, support is available:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline – 24/7 confidential support, safety planning, and resources
    📞 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)https://www.thehotline.org

  • Love is Respect – Education, advocacy, and confidential support focused on teens and young adults navigating dating relationships
    Love is Respect helps young people understand what healthy relationships look like, recognize early warning signs of abuse, and learn how to set boundaries rooted in respect and consent. Their tools and resources are especially helpful for parents, educators, and anyone supporting teens during formative relationship years.
    📞 1-866-331-9474 https://www.loveisrespect.org

  • StrongHearts Native Helpline – Culturally appropriate support for Native and Indigenous survivors
    📞 1-844-7NATIVE https://strongheartshelpline.org

  • If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.

You can also support survivors in your community by:

  • Learning the signs of unhealthy and abusive relationships

  • Checking in on friends and loved ones with compassion, not judgment

  • Supporting survivor-centered organizations through donations or volunteering

  • Sharing this message to help redefine love and safety in our communities

Further Reading & Learning

For those who want to learn more about healthy relationships, boundaries, and supporting survivors, the following resources offer thoughtful, accessible information:

These resources are meant to inform, not overwhelm. Learning even a little can help create safer relationships and stronger communities.

💜 Because love should always feel safe.

Waiky Holder
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